Asylum Contact Numbers |
| Hello and thank you for calling ASYLUM. |
| Please select from the following options menu: |
| If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. |
| If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. |
| If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6. |
| If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call. |
| If you are delusional, press 7. Your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship. |
| If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. |
| If you are manic-depressive, hang up. It doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway. |
| If you are dyslexic, press 9-6-9-6. |
| If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep, but please wait for the beep. |
| If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. |
| If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy to talk with you. |
| If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever. |
| If you are blonde, don't press any buttons. You'll just mess it up. |
| Thanks, and please call again!:) |
| Our operator is standing by as you can see... |
